No, not my computer, thank goodness. Just my brain. Or wait, maybe that’s the motherboard? (Or if you’re on a Mac, the logic board?) Whatever it is, I’ve been going at a pretty good pace the last two days, and am now feeling my brain grind to a halt. Today, I am soooooo slooooooooow. I have no jump. I have, in fact, a giant headache.
I also have a ton of work to do. Boo. Hiss.
it’s kind of my own fault, really. I’m a panicker. I know there’s work coming, somewhere off on the horizon. There always is, you know? But January, someone pointed out to me, is one of those months where freelancers feel like they’re never going to work again, like all their clients have gotten through the Christmas holidays and woken up with Writer Amnesia. We can picture them sitting there, saying “Gosh, I know I used to call that blond chick for my newsletter stuff, but I can’t remember who she is. Maybe I’ll just try someone new.” So because that fear is tucked away at the back of my mind, and people actually DO call me for work in january, I start to say ‘yes’ to everything. It’s like that episode of The Flintstones, when the aliens cloned Fred and Barney, and all the Fred clone could say was “Yes, yes, yes!”. Except I need the Barney clone, who could only ever say “No, no, no!”
Aside: I know, you’re like “WTF is she talking about? The Flintstones?” It’s one of the hazards of lunchtime television. For years and years, all they ever showed on CTV Saskatoon at lunch was The Flintstones, and as a result I can tell you exactly which episode I’m watching after around 30 seconds of viewing. It’s a gift, really. I thought I’d lose it when I started to watch One Life to Live instead, but the powers that be have seen to it that my gift remains intact.
So anyway. I say yes and yes and of course, and absolutely, all the while knowing that someone, somewhere is putting the final touches on a requirements document and a schedule and I just KNOW one day it’s going to appear in an e-mail.Except I can’t wait, because December was slow (December is almost always slow) and I really enjoyed that slowness. I got right into it, buying Christmas presents and baking and helping Mike finish up his papers. But now that it’s January, the balance on my bank account puts fear into my eyes, so I start to say ‘yes’. Even worse? I really want some of the jobs, because I like the people.
Except now everyone has come through with their promises of work. All at once. And as always, there are surprises. It’s kind of funny, though. I think I’m getting slightly better at handling it. I mean, I worked late last night, but I didn’t promise to deliver anything new. And part of the reason I worked late was because (shhh) I left a little early to go to the gym, and took a longer lunch.
But I’m still tired. I could still do better. I guess this entrepreneurial crap takes practice. Someone told me it takes two years, but it’s been three and I still kind of suck at the “saying no” part. And yet? I wouldn’t trade it for any other job. No way, Jose.